Angst - Eingeholt von der Vergangenheit (Für's Team)

[servena]

Team: Drache
Challenge: Angst - Eingeholt von der Vergangenheit (Für's Team)
Fandom: Andor
Charaktere: Cassian, Jyn, Bix
Sprache: Englisch
Wörter: 800
Kommentar: Nach der ersten Staffel konnte ich mir nicht vorstellen, Andor Fic zu schreiben, aber jetzt muss das irgendwie alles raus. xD

“Jyn, you know I love you.” (aka Jyn and Bix meet after Scarif)


Reunions

“Who is she?”

He didn’t hear her come in. Maybe that’s a testament to her skills or maybe it’s proof of his state of mind.

Either way, he doesn’t look at her while he struggles with the answer. “She’s from Ferrix”, he finally says, and “We go way back.”

He can hear her shut the door behind her and step closer. “How far back?”

He shrugs helplessly. “A long time.”

There’s a screech as Jyn pulls one of the other chairs closer to the table, and finally he looks at her. He had expected anger, but her face is calm, impassive. Somehow that’s more scary. “Were you together?” she asks.

He can’t help but smile a bit at that. She had seen them together for just a moment and already she has everything figured out. Or maybe he had just been that obvious.

“Twice.” And at her eyebrows lifting: “We broke up once because of some bullshit. - Mostly my bullshit”, he appends in service of honesty.

“I see. So where’s she been?”

He shakes his head slowly. “I don’t know.”

Seeing Bix again had been like getting hit in the chest by a ton of bricks. It’s the last thing he expected when he walked off that transport, finally back on Yavin after Scarif, after the endless days in the hospital. Yet he had made her out in the crowd almost immediately, her dark hair tousled, smiling widely. Wrapping his arms around her had been the most natural thing in the world.

Then she had seen Jyn hovering behind him and her face had fallen. Cassian didn’t have to tell her anything either. And yet he had felt the need to defend himself. You were gone, he wanted to say. You left me.

But that would’ve been a childish thing to say, so instead he had introduced them to each other. Watching them shake hands had felt like a big cosmic joke.

So here he is now, hiding from the celebrations in some kind of storage room, waiting for Jyn to bring her justified wrath down on him. She has plenty of that, this he has already learned about her. But instead she’s just looking at him like she’s waiting for something.

So he starts to talk. “I wanted to leave the rebellion. After what happened on Ghorm, I didn’t have the stomach for it anymore. Just wanted to hide out somewhere with her, try to find a little peace. - Instead she left me. She made the decision that I wasn’t able to make.” He shakes his head wistfully.

Then he catches her gaze and holds it, tries to put every bit of honesty into this look. “I don’t know why she is here now.”

“I know”, Jyn says calmly. “Because she loves you.” Because you almost died, is lying beneath. Not that he hasn’t almost died a hundred different times, but even he can admit that this time had been different. This time it had felt real.

She reaches out and covers his hand with hers on the table. “And what about you?”

He grabs hold of her hand immediately. “Jyn, you know I love you.”

To his confusion, she smiles slightly. “Thanks, but not what I asked.”

“Then what are you asking?”, he asks, a little defensively.

“I’m asking what she means to you.”

Her calmness is still unsettling him. He feels the urge to pick his words carefully, but he also doesn’t want to lie to her. “She feels like home”, he finally says. She feels like a part of me, is on his tongue.

Her thumb is rubbing soothing circles over the back of his hand. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“What is?”, he asks. He feels like something’s shaking loose inside of him.

“It’s okay.” She leans forward until their foreheads are pressed together. Finally he wraps his arms around her, clinging to her like he clung to Bix just moments earlier.

“I don’t want to loose you”, he whispers into her ear.

“You’re not loosing me”, she says back, and somehow this time he believes her.

Then she leans back far enough so she can look into his face. “And really, you couldn’t cheat on me if you tried. You have the worst poker face.” She grins at him broadly.

“What?”, he sputters. “I’ll have you know that I’m a feared rebel spy.”

“Yeah, one has to wonder.” Her grin grows impossibly wider.

Before he can think of a way to retaliate, she’s pulling him out of his chair. “Come on, no more moping. You have to introduce me, properly this time. I bet she has so many embarassing stories to tell about you, and I need to hear all of them.”

He watches her stride towards the door. “I’m going to regret this so much”, he mutters before he follows her.