Fanfic-Tropes: Fake Dating
Jul. 5th, 2022 11:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
der_jemand posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
120_minutenTeam: Mittelerde
Challenge: Fanfic-Tropes: Fake Dating (fürs Team)
Fandom: One Piece
Pairing: Zoro/Sanji
Wörter: ca. 1150
A/N: Welcome to my brain ca. 2006. Listening to Wohlstandskinder and writing ZoSan. -- Nostalgia or regression? Please don't tell me.
Anyway, this is two tropes in one, Fake Dating before Fake Marriage. Set ambiguously post-time skip while ignoring everything that actually happens afterwards.
It all started with a mythical treasure. Which was true for everything that had happened to Zoro in the past three years, admittedly, but this time the treasure wasn't the One Piece, but almost as mythical and important and awe-inspiring if the locals were to be believed.
Zoro didn't believe the locals.
Nami did.
"I must apologise, mylady" the elder stammered, wringing his hands. "The temple grounds cannot be accessed by bachelors. It would be sin."
The navigator rolled her eyes and opened her mouth as if to say something but then, inexplicably, laced her arm through Zoro's and gave the village elder a shark-like smile. "Well, that is no problem at all, after all, we were planning to have a wedding on this lovely island all along. Didn't we, Zoro?"
"Hu?"
She leaned into him and turned that terrifying smile to him. "Play along and I'll take fifteen percent off your debt." she hissed and, okay, that was an offer he couldn't refuse. Looking back, of course he should have refused. Nothing good ever came from going along with Nami's plans. Nothing.
But in the moment, fifteen percent sounded pretty good. So he nodded. "Uh. Yeah. Absolutely."
The elder turned his big, worried eyes on him. "You are planning to get married?"
"Yeah. Definitely. To, uhm--"
Nami rammed her pointy elbow into his side.
"Me!"
Another arm was draped around his waist, another body pressed into his, and the idiot cook smiled at the elder. "He's a big stupid brute who should not be allowed in the vicinity of ladies, but what can I say?" His smile seemed a little brittle around the edges, but it gave Zoro the shivers none-the-less. "I'm going to marry him and the lovely Nami won't have to deal with him anymore!"
The idiot cook sounded like he was going to be sick. Zoro was definitely going to be sick. And Nami laughed in utter delight. "Aren't they cute?! Our little love birds!"
The elder's eyes flicked back and forth between her and the two men. "If you say so..."
Fucking witch and bloody fucking dartboard-browed pansy.
That had been how it started and it would have been fine if it had ended there, or even after an impromptu ceremony with lots of booze, but as it turned out, weddings were a big deal on this island. Apparently, you needed a permit. Nobody had told Zoro he would have to fill out paper work. Or wait a week. Or date the stupid fucking shit cook in that week to 'keep up appearances'.
Not that Zoro was generally opposed to spending time with the cook. Of course, ideally that time would involve a lot more sparring or, better yet, getting naked, but he could get behind sitting on a café's front porch smiling foolishly at the man and having that smile returned.
It was only mildly torturous as long as he didn't think about how fake it was.
Sanji placed his hand over Zoro's and said something about the vegetables they would need to buy in the afternoon and how long pickling would take in a voice that was thick and sweet as honey.
"You're awfully good at this, dartboard brow."
The cook raised an eyebrow. "Supply runs and meal-planning? You realise that that's literally my job?"
Zoro rolled his eyes. "Pretending. Dating, whatever." He lifted one finger and used it to caress the cook's hand over his. "I could almost believe you actually like me."
"Well, I'm mostly thinking about what I would want to do with a beautiful lady, but you're actually not doing so bad yourself. Did you shower today? Just for me?"
"Fuck you," Zoro said with conviction and an achingly sweet smile.
Sanji honest to god giggled. "Oh honey! We've still got some errands to run!"
Fucking perverted shit cook.
But two could play at that game. "Of course, love. You've got a long day ahead of you... Maybe tonight, I'll run you a bath and give you a massage after? What do you think?"
Sanji blushed an impressive shade of crimson, but Zoro was too distracted by thoughts of massaging the cook's thighs to fully appreciate his victory.
It was going to be a long week.
From where Zoro was standing, dating the shitty cook looked a lot like being his crew mate, just with less punching and more innuendo. It would have been awful if it hadn't been so close to something really good. Not that Zoro actually wanted to date the cook. Or marry him. He just... wanted.
Nami, of course, knew. So did Luffy, for that matter, but their captain was strictly of the opinion that Zoro's predicament was hilarious and absolutely worth it for the upcoming wedding feast. Usopp and Chopper agreed, Franky and Brook were composing a song, and Robin smiled.
And Sanji threw heart-eyes at a cute shopkeeper and flailed over her delicious plums--which probably was a euphemism. Fucking ero-cook.
Wait a second.
"Darling?" Zoro's mouth felt strange around that word and the small, indulgent smile that went with it.
The cook obviously didn't react, but Zoro had counted on that.
"Sanji?"
The man spun on his heels, the one visible eye wide. "Marimo?"
"Are you done, honey? If we want to get back to the ship before noon we'll need to hurry."
The shopkeeper looked between them with an expression of utter horror. "Honey?"
Sanji turned back to her, smiling. "Oh, sweetheart, don't worry he's just--"
"His fiancé." Smirking, Zoro howed off the simple silver ring Franky had improvised for them the day before. To sell the story, of course, not because he was a fucking arsehole.
The shopkeeper swallowed heavily. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise, he-- I--"
"Don't worry!" Zoro immediately felt bad for her. Wasn't her fault that she got caught in the crossfire. "He's a bit of an idiot, but he's my idiot." He threw an arm around the cook's shoulders and smiled as friendly and non-threatening as he knew how. Apparently it was good enough, because she smiled back shyly and hurried to grab a paper bag for the plums.
As soon as her back was turned, Sanji stomped on Zoro's foot. Hard.
"Shitty marimo," he hissed.
"Didn't take you for the cheating kind, cook."
"I want a divorce."
"On the next island. Let's get Nami her treasure first."
The cook kicked him in the shin. Just because he could.
That treasure better be worth it.
It wasn't.
Challenge: Fanfic-Tropes: Fake Dating (fürs Team)
Fandom: One Piece
Pairing: Zoro/Sanji
Wörter: ca. 1150
A/N: Welcome to my brain ca. 2006. Listening to Wohlstandskinder and writing ZoSan. -- Nostalgia or regression? Please don't tell me.
Anyway, this is two tropes in one, Fake Dating before Fake Marriage. Set ambiguously post-time skip while ignoring everything that actually happens afterwards.
It all started with a mythical treasure. Which was true for everything that had happened to Zoro in the past three years, admittedly, but this time the treasure wasn't the One Piece, but almost as mythical and important and awe-inspiring if the locals were to be believed.
Zoro didn't believe the locals.
Nami did.
"I must apologise, mylady" the elder stammered, wringing his hands. "The temple grounds cannot be accessed by bachelors. It would be sin."
The navigator rolled her eyes and opened her mouth as if to say something but then, inexplicably, laced her arm through Zoro's and gave the village elder a shark-like smile. "Well, that is no problem at all, after all, we were planning to have a wedding on this lovely island all along. Didn't we, Zoro?"
"Hu?"
She leaned into him and turned that terrifying smile to him. "Play along and I'll take fifteen percent off your debt." she hissed and, okay, that was an offer he couldn't refuse. Looking back, of course he should have refused. Nothing good ever came from going along with Nami's plans. Nothing.
But in the moment, fifteen percent sounded pretty good. So he nodded. "Uh. Yeah. Absolutely."
The elder turned his big, worried eyes on him. "You are planning to get married?"
"Yeah. Definitely. To, uhm--"
Nami rammed her pointy elbow into his side.
"Me!"
Another arm was draped around his waist, another body pressed into his, and the idiot cook smiled at the elder. "He's a big stupid brute who should not be allowed in the vicinity of ladies, but what can I say?" His smile seemed a little brittle around the edges, but it gave Zoro the shivers none-the-less. "I'm going to marry him and the lovely Nami won't have to deal with him anymore!"
The idiot cook sounded like he was going to be sick. Zoro was definitely going to be sick. And Nami laughed in utter delight. "Aren't they cute?! Our little love birds!"
The elder's eyes flicked back and forth between her and the two men. "If you say so..."
Fucking witch and bloody fucking dartboard-browed pansy.
That had been how it started and it would have been fine if it had ended there, or even after an impromptu ceremony with lots of booze, but as it turned out, weddings were a big deal on this island. Apparently, you needed a permit. Nobody had told Zoro he would have to fill out paper work. Or wait a week. Or date the stupid fucking shit cook in that week to 'keep up appearances'.
Not that Zoro was generally opposed to spending time with the cook. Of course, ideally that time would involve a lot more sparring or, better yet, getting naked, but he could get behind sitting on a café's front porch smiling foolishly at the man and having that smile returned.
It was only mildly torturous as long as he didn't think about how fake it was.
Sanji placed his hand over Zoro's and said something about the vegetables they would need to buy in the afternoon and how long pickling would take in a voice that was thick and sweet as honey.
"You're awfully good at this, dartboard brow."
The cook raised an eyebrow. "Supply runs and meal-planning? You realise that that's literally my job?"
Zoro rolled his eyes. "Pretending. Dating, whatever." He lifted one finger and used it to caress the cook's hand over his. "I could almost believe you actually like me."
"Well, I'm mostly thinking about what I would want to do with a beautiful lady, but you're actually not doing so bad yourself. Did you shower today? Just for me?"
"Fuck you," Zoro said with conviction and an achingly sweet smile.
Sanji honest to god giggled. "Oh honey! We've still got some errands to run!"
Fucking perverted shit cook.
But two could play at that game. "Of course, love. You've got a long day ahead of you... Maybe tonight, I'll run you a bath and give you a massage after? What do you think?"
Sanji blushed an impressive shade of crimson, but Zoro was too distracted by thoughts of massaging the cook's thighs to fully appreciate his victory.
It was going to be a long week.
From where Zoro was standing, dating the shitty cook looked a lot like being his crew mate, just with less punching and more innuendo. It would have been awful if it hadn't been so close to something really good. Not that Zoro actually wanted to date the cook. Or marry him. He just... wanted.
Nami, of course, knew. So did Luffy, for that matter, but their captain was strictly of the opinion that Zoro's predicament was hilarious and absolutely worth it for the upcoming wedding feast. Usopp and Chopper agreed, Franky and Brook were composing a song, and Robin smiled.
And Sanji threw heart-eyes at a cute shopkeeper and flailed over her delicious plums--which probably was a euphemism. Fucking ero-cook.
Wait a second.
"Darling?" Zoro's mouth felt strange around that word and the small, indulgent smile that went with it.
The cook obviously didn't react, but Zoro had counted on that.
"Sanji?"
The man spun on his heels, the one visible eye wide. "Marimo?"
"Are you done, honey? If we want to get back to the ship before noon we'll need to hurry."
The shopkeeper looked between them with an expression of utter horror. "Honey?"
Sanji turned back to her, smiling. "Oh, sweetheart, don't worry he's just--"
"His fiancé." Smirking, Zoro howed off the simple silver ring Franky had improvised for them the day before. To sell the story, of course, not because he was a fucking arsehole.
The shopkeeper swallowed heavily. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise, he-- I--"
"Don't worry!" Zoro immediately felt bad for her. Wasn't her fault that she got caught in the crossfire. "He's a bit of an idiot, but he's my idiot." He threw an arm around the cook's shoulders and smiled as friendly and non-threatening as he knew how. Apparently it was good enough, because she smiled back shyly and hurried to grab a paper bag for the plums.
As soon as her back was turned, Sanji stomped on Zoro's foot. Hard.
"Shitty marimo," he hissed.
"Didn't take you for the cheating kind, cook."
"I want a divorce."
"On the next island. Let's get Nami her treasure first."
The cook kicked him in the shin. Just because he could.
That treasure better be worth it.
It wasn't.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-06 08:27 am (UTC)