Masks and Lies [Angst - Masken - für mich]

[peterhforalpha.livejournal.com]

Team: Sonne
Challenge: Angst - Masken - für mich
Titel: Masks and Lies
Fandom: Merlin
Charaktere: Arthur, Merlin
Wörter: 943 Wörter
Sprache: Englisch


Arthur couldn’t take his eyes off of Merlin anymore. He watched every little movement, every little gesture, every minute of every day.
When he first caught Merlin doing magic his first instinct had been to lock him up in a cell. His father’s voice echoed in his head not to trust any sorcerer but this was Merlin. Merlin was loyal and hardworking, a little clumsy and stupid, nothing that Arthur would have associated with an evil sorcerer.
Although he had decided against locking him up and instead watching him for a time being, Arthur couldn’t ban the voice of his father out of his head. Letting Merlin walk free was against everything that Arthur had learned. Every sorcerer was evil. Magic was evil. Magic was too much power to be allowed to be wielded by one person alone.
And yet here he was, allowing Merlin to walk around like nothing had happened. Arthur watched Merlin prepare a fire for the night. He used wood and stones to get it going - like every other normal human would.
“Do I have something on my face or are you actually trying to learn something?” Merlin asked all of a sudden.
“Huh?” Arthur said unintelligently.
“You’re staring at me.”
Arthur waved with his hand. “Just something on my mind.”
Merlin grinned widely. “Don’t use too much of that, Arthur, or else you get hurt.”
Arthur watched Merlin closely, saw the smug smile on his face and wondered if this all was just a facade. A trick to fool him. Had Merlin walked around with a mask for all these years now? He was good. Arthur had never doubted him, believed with all his heart that Merlin was this lighthearted fool. Arthur had never had a reason to doubt him, never had suspected that Merlin had magic. That he was a completely different person.
But he was! Merlin had lied to him, had hidden his magic, had committed treason against Camelot and against Arthur himself for practicing it.
“Hey, you’re okay?”
Merlin sat down next to him. Arthur turned his head to face him.
“You’ve been acting a little weird these last few days. Is something bothering you?”
Arthur didn’t know how to answer that. There was indeed something bothering him. Something really big. But Merlin was the problem here. He couldn’t confide in him. He didn’t even know if he could trust him anymore.
But on the other hand Merlin was still walking around so a small part of Arthur still seemed to trust him. It came natural, even after what Arthur had witnessed.
“Why did you lie?” He asked then, locking eyes with Merlin.
Merlin furrowed his brow. “What do you mean? You found out that I served you rat stew again. Listen, I’m sorry, but it’s way too funny not to,” Merlin blabbered but his voice got quieter with every word, probably realizing that Arthur wasn’t in the mood for jokes. “What do you mean?” he asked more serious now.
“You know what I mean.” Arthur’s voice was firm, letting no doubt what he meant.
“I really don’t.”
“You really don’t?” Arthur raised his voice. “Tell me the truth.” Instinctively his hand reached for his sword. Since seeing Merlin doing magic he had it near him anytime Merlin was around, just to be safe.
Merlin’s eyes followed Arthur’s hand but he didn’t budge. He stayed completely calm, letting out a long sigh. “You know.”
“Yes, I know.” Arthur put his hand around the hilt of his sword. It gave him a sense of security although he knew that a sword wouldn’t do much against magic, at least not if he was too slow.
“I never meant for you to find out this way.” Merlin seemed unbelievable sad. He bowed his head, making himself small. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re a sorcerer.” The last word Arthur said with as much venom in his voice as he could muster. He still couldn’t believe it, still couldn’t believe that his dorky servant should be an evil sorcerer. That Merlin of all people could have fooled him all those years. It seemed impossible.
“Yes, I am. What will you do now? Kill me?”
Arthur opened his mouth and closed it again right after. He had no answer to this. He knew his answer should be yes. Everyone who had magic had to die. They were dangerous, too dangerous to be allowed to stay alive. And yet, Arthur knew for several days now and hadn’t acted at all. Maybe he had wished that he made a mistake, to find proof that Merlin was just a normal servant. But now Arthur couldn’t deny it anymore, not after Merlin had confessed.
He needed to act now!
So Arthur stood up. Merlin remained on the ground. At least he knew that fighting wouldn’t do him any good.
Arthur pulled his sword. For the first time in his life he felt his hand actually shaking. It had never happened before, not while holding a sword.
Arthur knew his duty, knew his place and he knew what he had to do. And still, he couldn’t. Not even after Merlin had lied to him for years, not even after knowing what kind of person he truly was, now.
“Go,” he whispered, letting his sword sink to the ground, “just go.”
“Arthur?” Merlin looked up, tears sparkling in his eyes.
“Go!” Arthur shouted now. “Or I will kill you!”
This seemed to work. Merlin got up with stumbling steps, grabbed his bag and vanished between the trees.
Arthur fell down on his knees, letting go of his sword.
He didn’t even try to stop the tears from breaking free.