Into the Deep IV [H/C - In Tränen ausbrechen - für mich]

[peterhforalpha.livejournal.com]

Team: Schneewittchen
Challenge: H/C - In Tränen ausbrechen - für mich
Titel: Into the Deep IV
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Charaktere: Jim Kirk, Spock, Christopher Pike
Wörter: ungefähr 1400
Sprache: Englisch

Teil 1, Teil 2, Teil 3

“I’m sorry, Captain, I wished I could do more,” Pike said and looked at Jim full of sympathy. “But three more days is all I can give you.”
Jim sighed and leaned back in his chair, watched Pike on the screen. Jim knew that Pike probably had done more for him than Jim could ever ask of anyone but he had hoped that maybe Pike could give him some more than only three days. “I understand, Admiral,” he still said, visibly disappointed.

“Jim,” Pike said softer now. It got clear that this conversation wasn’t as formal anymore as it had been a second ago. “I know how you feel. It’s always hard to lose someone of your own crew but some losses are harder than others.”
Jim bowed his head, trying to hide the tears in his eyes. “It’s Bones,” he whispered with a shaky voice

“I know, Jim. I hope these three days will be enough.”
Jim was only able to nod. He hoped this as well but he wasn’t so sure if it really was.
“I have to go, Jim, but call me if you need anything, even if it is just to talk. Okay, son?”
Jim raised his head, not caring anymore if Pike saw him this vulnerable and broken. He nodded one more time. “Thank you, Chris.” And with that he ended the transmission and just collapsed into himself, the pressure and uncertainty of the last days catching up to him. He couldn’t lose Bones. Not in any way.

Out of a sudden an idea crossed his mind and he immediately acted on it. He punched the button of his communicator. “Kirk to Spock.”
“Yes, sir?”
“I need to discuss something with you in my ready room, Commander.”
“I’m on my way.”

A few moments later Spock walked into his room. He stopped on the other side of his desk, standing straight up and his arms locked behind his back. “How can I be of assistance, Captain?”
“I’ve been thinking,” Jim started, not sure if his idea was really such a good one after all. Spock raised his left eyebrow when Jim didn’t continue. “How does a mind meld work exactly?”

There was a short pause before Spock answered, “Is this about Doctor McCoy?”
“I just talked to Admiral Pike. We have three more days before we get ordered back to Earth to see Bones off to a proper hospital and appoint a new Chief of Medical.”
Spock nodded. “This is general procedure.”
“I know it is,” Jim shouted out of a sudden and jumped out of his seat. He glared at Spock who remained completely calm. Realizing what he had done, he leaned on his desk and let his head fall. “It doesn’t make it easier.”

Suddenly it was completely silent in the room, and Jim almost thought that Spock had left when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Surprised Jim raised his head, looked at Spock and the hand on his shoulder. It was rare that Spock initiated any kind of touch.
“If my assumption is correct you want to know if I could assist Doctor McCoy to regain consciousness with a mind meld?”
Jim nodded immediately, feeling the warm presence of hope in his body. “Can you?”

The answer took way too long to be any good. Jim didn’t take his eyes off of Spock the entire time, waiting for anything, even if it would be a simple no.
“With a mind meld I can connect with another being. If Doctor McCoy would be lost in his mind I could probably help him but he experienced severe trauma to his head. I don’t think he is confused or lost. He is merely hurt.”

“Hurt because of me,” shot through Jim’s thoughts. He blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the tears that threatened to break through. He was not ashamed to cry in front of Spock, Jim was just tired of it. He feared it would never stop if he lost Bones completely in three days. “Could you try?” Jim knew that it probably was futile hope.
“This kind of mind meld is deeply intimate, Jim. I would never attempt it without Leonard’s consent.”

Jim tried a smile and failed miserably. “He would hate to hear that you helped him wake up.”
“I agree. Leonard is a very private person. He would not like the thought of someone walking around in his mind. I am sorry, Jim, but I can not help you.”
Jim shook his head, out of a sudden completely aware of the hand on his shoulder. He smiled weakly. “It’s okay, Spock. You are helping.” Spock had been the best first officer Jim could have wished for in the last week. Hell, he had been the best friend. Even if it was hard to see for some people Jim knew that Spock cared deeply. He was probably as worried about Leonard as Jim was. And yet, he had offered to take over some shifts for Jim, so that Jim could sit with Leonard because Spock knew how important it was for Jim. “You are supporting me and helping me.”

Spock gently squeezed Jim’s shoulder. “I wish I could do more. Despite of our differences I have great respect for Doctor McCoy. It would be a great loss for the Enterprise to lose such a brilliant doctor.”

Jim nodded. “Everyone would be devastated.” He probably the most. Jim didn’t know if he could do all this without Leonard. Of course, it always seemed as if Jim had dragged Leonard out into the stars, but Jim needed Leonard out here as much as he needed Jim. Leonard grounded him when Jim didn’t know where to put his thoughts. He always talked some sense into him when Jim acted stupid. He was an anchor for Jim. His heart.

Jim couldn’t live without his heart. Without planning to, the tears broke free and Jim stumbled back a step, fell on his chair. It came so sudden he wasn’t able to prevent it. “I don’t know if I can do this without him, Spock,” Jim sobbed. “When Bones leaves the Enterprise I may follow him.”
“If, Jim, if Bones leaves the Enterprise.” Spock kneeled down, right in front of Jim. “There are three more days before anything happens. Doctor McCoy might still wake up.”

“It’s been seven days without any kind of change, Spock. What does your logic tell you? Because mine says that the odds are pretty low that he will open his eyes in the next days.”
“Doctor McCoy rarely used logic in his actions so why should we use it to determine when he wakes up?”
Jim tried to wipe away the tears with no big success. It just didn’t want to stop. “I love him, Spock. I can’t do this without him.”
“You don’t have to. He’ll wake up.”

Jim stared at Spock with an open mouth, not sure what he should respond to that. Normally any Vulcan would say that it was illogical to ponder over something that couldn’t be changed. No Vulcan would make a statement that was just based on hope. And yet here was Spock, trying to convince his captain that his CMO was about to wake up soon.
“How can you be so sure?” Jim shook his head, wanted to believe this so badly, just as Spock did. “It’s illogical.”

“On the contrary, Captain. My conclusion is most logical. Doctor M’Benga has told us that it is up to Doctor McCoy to wake up on his own. So it’s only logical to consider McCoy’s behaviour to these calculations.”
Finally the stream of tears lessened a bit and Jim could take a deep breath. He tried to keep up with Spock’s words but he wasn’t sure what his friend was trying to tell him. “And which of McCoy’s traits have you considered in your calculations?”
“His loyalty to you, of course. He would never leave your side, regardless of how much he complains about a situation.”

Jim shook his head in disbelief. “So he is too stubborn to die and he is too much of a loyal fool not to wake up?” The corner of Jim’s lips twitched up in a half-smile.
“Precisely.” Spock nodded seriously.
Jim leaned forward and rested his forehead against Spock’s, taking some deep breaths to calm himself. “Thank you for being here, Spock.”
“Just like Doctor McCoy I will always be at your side, Jim,” Spock said and send a wave of warm love over to Jim through the touch.