Humor/Crack - Wortspiele - fürs Team

[nessaniel.livejournal.com]

Team: Hufflepuff
Challenge: Humor – Wortspiele
Fandom: Rush Hour, die Serie
Titel: An hour in your mind
Inhalt: Carter is not sure why Lee has become more and more reckless but he is going to find out!
Anmerkung: Story is in English! Wird hoffentlich die Ausnahme bleiben, aber Carters Plappermaul geht auf Englisch meistens besser. Es wird am Ende auch wirklich lustig und wortverspielt, versprochen, ich brauchte nur etwas länger für die Einleitung.


An hour in your mind

It's a stupid ass question and Carter really doesn't want to ask it but he has no choice. He knows that. If he won't make the first move they will never ever talk about this and Carter is very fond of talking about things, in fact he is so fond of it that Didi has been rolling her eyes at him for two minutes straight.

"Carter," she says. "Shut up and ask him already."

"I will, I will, this is me practically asking him!"

"You are sitting on my desk and going on my nerves and Lee is not even in this building so how exactly..."

"It's a delicate operation, alright?" Carter is frantic right now. He is waving his hands around to make Didi understand just how delicate it really is, when he knocks her stapler off the desk and drops it on his own foot. "Ow!"

"Serves you right," Didi says. She picks up the stapler and stares at Carter until he hastily retreats from her desk. He has seen what the people in this precinct can do with staplers and he really wants to keep his family jewels out of harm's way. He still keeps pouting though and looks at the floor, all misery (and sly, quick glances to see if Didi maybe will take some pity on him).

She does. With a sigh she puts the stapler back on the desk and throws Carter a fond look.

"I know you are worried about him."

"Not at all" Carter says, but he doesn't really mean it. There is no point in lying anymore, not when he already asked Didi for help twice because he is a coward.

"But I can't help you, Carter." He knows that too. "I don't spend nearly as much time with him as you do and I don't really see him work in the field, so I can't tell you what you want to hear."

"What do I want to hear?"

"That you are right about this and not going crazy and overprotective because you are in love with him."

"Oh please, he is not that hot," Carter says but his mouth is going dry and he can practically feel his pupils dilating at the mere thought of Lee. Didi raises an eyebrow at him and shakes her head.

"He is."

"Shut up!" Carter doesn't want to blush in the middle of the precinct because he is in love with his partner. He doesn't want any of this, but now they are here and there is nothing he can do. He falls in love easily and Lee is easy to fall in love with, no matter how hard he tries to come across as otherwise.

"I will shut up if you ask him, how about that," Didi says.

"You are pretty good at this, Didi," Carter says and then he presses his hand against his face and decides to be happy and awesome and the greatest bad ass cop (not bad asscop, thank you very much) in the city again. "I'm gonna ask him."

"You will be fine."

"Of course I'll be fine! I am the greatest cop in this city! I am a master of subtlety and tact! You just look at me, I'm gonna tame this Chinese dragon until he's a limp noodle!"

Didi makes a gagging noise but Carter ignores her. He has a mission now and he has a plan. He will choose the exact right time and the exact right place and then everything will go as smoothly as a frozen duck on a frozen pond.

But still, Carter thinks, how exactly do you ask your year-long partner if he has a death wish?



"DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?"

Okay, so things did not work out as planned, Carter can admit that. This is neither the exact right place nor the exact right time. Carter had envisioned something along the lines of a nice beer o'clock meeting on Didi's porch and then a carefully worded question about whether Lee maybe felt a bit stressed or had been suffering from a half year-long headache or something.

But instead they were driving home in the middle of the night after a raid in a shady bar full of rich, old racist people and Carter had slammed on the brakes and screamed at Lee in full, adrenaline-fueled falsetto.

Not one of his finest moments and if he wasn't so busy being angry and worried out of his mind he would maybe consider an apology since Lee is looking at him with big round eyes and his left hand clinging to the passenger seat.

There is barely any traffic going on, so Carter turns on the hazard lights and throws Lee a mean and hopefully very menacing look.

"I am sure I do not know what you are talking about," Lee finally says after taking his hand from the seat and putting it carefully on his leg as if he can't believe that his own fingers betrayed him by reacting instinctively. "Also, you are a traffic hazard, can you please keep on driving and..."

Instead of answering him, Carter locks the doors. Lee blinks.

"Are you aware that your car has no roof? I can leave if I wish."

"If you are going to climb out of my car I will shoot you in the back, so sit your ass down and answer me." There must have been something in his voice other than the shakiness and readiness to burst into tears in five seconds that Carter can feel in every muscle in his throat because Lee gulps and does not climb out of the car. Instead he looks at the cars behind them, swerving and overturning them on the left.

Usually, Carter would keep screaming and talking and Lee would argue back with cold hard facts and his snarky humor and they would keep this up until they arrive at Didi's and everything would be fine again by the time they meet up tomorrow at the precinct.

But not this time. Not when Carter is still shaking and his heart is racing in his chest because everything he can see is Lee in a room full of people with hatred in their eyes and guns in their hands.
"You could have died," he finally says. Voicing it makes it harder and more real, but it also thins the cold, sickening feeling of dread lodged in Carter's stomach. He could have, but he hasn't, he thinks, and Carter is going to make sure that he won't, even if he has to shoot him.

Like, metaphorically.

Lee sighs. The orange light of the hazard flash turns him golden and grey in turns, making him look like twenty and fifty-two in the span of seconds. Carter finds him beautiful either way but that's not what this is about.

"I admit that my take-down was risky," Lee says quietly. "And I apologize if you felt that I put you in danger in any way, but..."

"Oh my god, you are the dumbest motherfucker on this earth," Carter screeches. Lee winces at the curse. Carter has been keeping it mostly PG for his sake this past year because Lee is sensitive to that, Carter knows that, just like he knows that Lee likes weird music, is fond of kids, can dance a mean salsa, never exposes too much skin, adores climbing, is weirdly superstitious when it comes to color red, has postponed his visit to Hong Kong twice already because he is probably deathly afraid of going home and still feeling home-sick.

Carter knows all this and he cannot stand the thought of losing all of Lee to a bullet or an impromptu parkour session gone wrong.

It started about three months ago that Lee got a bit more reckless and a bit less efficient in his batman style takedowns of evil guys. "A bit less efficient" in Lee terms still meant one hell of a damn fine arrest rate of course and some pretty impressive hostage-freed-by-roundhouse-kick-to-the-baddie's-face-situations, so it took Carter a while to catch on. But once he did, it was impossible to miss the many ways in which Detective Lee put himself in harm's way like throwing himself in front of a speeding vehicle and apparently selling his soul to the devil so the kidnapper would swerve the car and crash it into a wall or when he asked to be exchanged for hostages three times in a row, when he had been shot the first two times already.

It is bravery and Lee's undying resolve to get the job done is something that Carter mocks and admires at the same time.

But that was not what made him worry in the first place. It also wasn't his crush developing into something more profound and love-like that made his heart jump right into his throat every time he couldn't spot Lee right after one of their crazily regular fights. He was friends with Lee before he fell in love so he was always nervous because he would never want to see a friend get shot either.

No, the thing that caused Carter's skin to crawl whenever they got a new case was the fact that Lee never laughed anymore or cracked a joke, however subtle and bad, when the fighting was over. He never bragged, isn't the type for it, (neither is Carter, of course), but he just never seems happy anymore when they make the Grim Reaper sigh in disbelief.

He looks haunted instead. Trapped.

Looking for an exit that he apparently only finds when he stares down a dude's gun.
Carter is scared shitless because he doesn't know what Lee is running from, what's keeping him from Hong Kong and what's keeping him from being happy here in Los Angeles.

He wants him to be happy.

And that's why he is screaming at him at two o'clock in the morning and threatening to shoot him in the back.

A car is honking at them and Carter thinks about pulling out the emergency light and throwing it really hard at the driver's head but he is too lazy for that and his aim would probably be way off anyway.

"I am not dumb," Lee says. "And I will be very angry if you do not take back the second insult."

"I'm taking it back, yeah yeah, pushing it right back where it came from. Just let it go and answer me."

"I do not have a death wish," Lee says, immediately without blinking or hesitating. "Can you please start driving?"

"Sure thing. Can you please stop lying?" Carter throws him a grin that is hurting his cheeks and teeth and Lee actually starts looking a bit ashamed.

"I do not like lying," he says again, but he isn't looking at Carter, instead focusing on his hands and Carter knows he would like to fiddle with them and forces himself not to, as if this was some sort of interrogation with Carter being the bad guy.

It hurts. It really fucking hurts.

"Yeah, and I don't like prawn burritos and I let Gerald talk me into eating them every time, so here we are."

"I do not see how your allergic reaction to seafood has anything to do with..."

"Lee."

Lee sighs, making Carter smile sadly. If everything was right, Lee wouldn't give in so easily.

"I am sorry," Lee says. He is still not looking at Carter and they are not making any progress here. "I do not know what you want me to say."

"I want you to tell me why you're hell bent on getting yourself shot, torched, run over, maimed and whatever that Texas dude was planning on doing with that bucket full of jell-o and your head."

"I am very relieved that I did not have to find out."

"Yeah, me too. You would have looked like a very attractive version of Flubber and that would have just ruined my day and my childhood."

"I don't want to ruin your day. I don't want to ruin anything for you."

It's a quip but it makes Carter's heart race nonetheless and he can't stop himself from grinning. He sees Lee smile as well and since Lee is a good man and brave and wonderful, he takes a deep breath and turns to look Carter in the eyes.

"I have been ... slightly anxious," he says. His face is taut but there is a glow in his eyes and it's not just the hazard flash, which is nice since Carter is a romantic at heart. "But it is something I cannot talk to you about."

"Yeah, this is not how this works between us, remember?"

"Carter, I..."

"We talk about stuff, you tell me about your sister's crazy world domination schemes and I tell you... at least eighty percent of what Gerald does in his free time, so when you are anxious as you call it or bat-shit insane as I call it, you talk to me, okay, this is what family is for, okay, we help each other and..."

"I don't want you as family."

Lee blurts it out and it has the same effect as if he had honked an air horn straight in Carter's face. He blinks. It makes no sense, not with the way they have become friends over the past year, not with the way Lee behaves around him. If he had started hating Carter he would have noticed, so he knows that Lee must mean something else than "I never want to see you again" but it still hurts like a bitch, even if only for a second. Man, Carter is head over heels with the goddamn Chinese bastard.

"Okay," Carter says. Lee looks ready to bolt from the car, locked doors and no roof notwithstanding. "Jeesh, you are bad at this, aren't you, okay, so... why don't you want me as family?"

"You don't kiss family."

"Uhm, yeah you do? What, you don't kiss your mommas in Hong Kong?"

"Not with tongue, no."

"What the... oh. Oh, we talking about kissing yeah right, just...what?"

"Yes."

Carter starts grinning, he can't help it, there is just this huge ball of happiness blooming in his chest, forcing his mouth open, forcing his hands forward, until he can grab Lee by the lapels of his nice suit (it's not like he thinks that Lee might still run away but better safe than pursuing your skittish partner who just admitted that he wants to kiss you through the suburbs of Los Angeles).
Lee is smiling, just a bit and he doesn't push Carter's hands away. Good, good, Carter can work with that.

"So, lemme get this straight or not so straight apparently..."

"Carter..."

"Okay, okay, but still. You want to kiss me? With tongue?"

"I.."

"You just told me that you aren't fond of lying so be careful, yeah, because everything you say can and will be used against you in a court, eh?"

"Are you flirting with me through legal jargon?"

"Whatever gets your corgies running, baby."

"I am not sure what that means but I am very sure that I am not feeling it."

"Oh come on, gimme a break, alright? Just ten minutes ago, I was worried about you trying to suicide yourself by the line of duty and now I learn that you want to kiss me in a not-so family friendly way."

The anxious look crawls back into Lee's eyes, he looks at Carter's hands and at the road again and Carter gets ready to pull him back into the car, Asian batman skills be damned.

"This is not easy for me to admit," Lee says. He winces. "I did not want to ... impose on you."

This is so Lee, this entire conversation is so Lee, so full of contradictions, and wanting to do the right thing and missing the obvious, and Carter loves every second of it. He has to bite down hard on his cheeks so he won't start giggling. Lee probably wouldn't appreciate that.

"So you would rather risk your life than ask me out on a date? Wow, Lee, you are the worst at this." Carter shouts a curse but he is laughing and smiling and despite his bruised ribs, this is the best day of his life. "I've been making cow eyes at you for months now! Hell, even Donovan knows how much I wanna kiss your brains out at this point."

"He... he knows?" Lee looks ready to pass out and Carter can finally see why he was so on edge the past few months. He is sorry for him and he wants to kiss it better, wants to hug the worries right out of him, wants to blow his mind and other parts and Carter knows he is getting ahead of himself here, they need to talk a lot more about fear and worries, and yeah, they can do that, Carter is very fond of talking, but they have wasted so much time already.

He smiles and winks at Lee.

"Yeah he knows, I wasn't subtle. And anyway, why are we talking about Donovan and about you dying instead of making out like bunnies on drugs?"

Lee winces again, but for someone who preferred getting shot over sweet, sweet kissing, he is keeping up quite well, Carter thinks. Lee hasn't said as much, but Carter bets that he is not in general opposed to the idea of the two of them doing ... well, what lovers do. He just needs a little bit of nudging, is all.

"Hey, look at me, Lee." Carter can be very soft and nice when he wants to and by God does he want to right now. "I know what you're thinking and when we do this, we will probably break some rules against fraternizing in the police force..."

"Several, actually."

"Shaddup. So yeah, looks like a bad idea, right, and everyone is against us, yeah? But remember when we thought this whole partnership was a terrible idea? Look at us now! We are Starsky and Hutch and ... what was that movie with Jackie Chan called, you know the one..."

"I don't."

"Anyway, who cares? What I mean is: we worked it out so far and the future will be just peachy."

"Carter, I am not really sure..."

"Lee. Do you trust me?"

"Yes." Lee says it like he has waited for this question for months, like he has a speech and spreadsheets prepared just for this moment. He looks a bit surprised himself at the speed and determination in his answer, but before he can get anxious again, Carter extends his hand and puts it on Lee's cheek, just for a moment, just real quick.

And finally, Lee deflates like a balloon, sighs and presses his cheek against Carter's palm. "I trust you," he says, breathes the words on Carter's hands like a vow. "Okay. I trust you."

"God, you are so cute," Carter says. He is breathless himself.

"Please do not call me cute."

"Okay, bit touchy on that one, I see, so how about you kiss me and I shut up?"

"Not while you pose a threat to road safety, I won't."

"Was that your way of asking my place or yours?"

"Carter, just drive, okay? And... your place. Please."

"Everything you want, baby. Everything you want."

Comments

[cricri-72.livejournal.com]

Squeeeee <333

[nessaniel.livejournal.com]

Ich freu mich, dass es gefällt, wirklich! *__*

[servena]

Jaaaaaaaaaa <3

Und das war ja wohl fantastisch:
But still, Carter thinks, how exactly do you ask your year-long partner if he has a death wish? - "DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?"

[nessaniel.livejournal.com]

Carter ist einfach ein Musterbeispiel an SUBTILITÄT UND EINFÜHLUNGSVERMÖGEN und BEHUTSAMEN VORGEHEN, DER IST GUT DARIN, WIRKLICH!!!!!!!!!

Ich liebe die beiden so sehr HAAAAAACh.

[peterhforalpha.livejournal.com]

Aaaaaah, das war sooo niedlich. Lee is so süß, und Carter ist so genial.
Ach gott, ich könnte gerade zerfließen so süß war das. Ich will mehr, definitv! Gib mir mehr!

(und habe mittlerweile alle Folgen gesehen und ich LIEBE es!)

[nessaniel.livejournal.com]

DU LIEBST ES!!!!!! OMG OMGOMGOMGMG TELL ME EVERYTHIIIIIIIIING gern auch als LJ Message NUR FALLS DU WILLST, ich will dich ja nicht unter druck setzen ABER SCHON EIN BISSCHEN AHHHH ich bin so happy, dass dir die Show gefällt, LEE UND CARTER SIND DIE SÜSSESTEN!!!!!!

[der_jemand]

Ich sterbe. Ich zerfließe in eine Pfütze Glückseligkeit und... AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Carter! Lee!!! Ich kann gar nicht sagen, wer bezaubernder und niedlicher ist und die subtile Frage nach dem Death Wish und und und... Ich liebe, wie Carter all die Dinge aufzählt, die er über Lee weiß und nicht verlieren möchte (<3 <3 <3) und es ist wunderbar, aber... SALSA. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!

[nessaniel.livejournal.com]

aber... SALSA
WELL YOU KNOW I GOT THAT FROM THE SHOW, RIGHT :)))) The context is sadly very questionable and not to my liking but HE STILL DANCES A MEAN SALSA :DDD

SCHAU DIE SHOW

SCHREIB MIR FIC
:)))))))))))